There are a few places in the world where you just know there will be a dumbfuck waiting to be released.
Perhaps it’s the environment. For a lot of people, trying to manipulate that level of normality in contexts that are just not normal can be tough. Shame for them. Most of us succeed, and we move on as if nothing really happened – as if we conquered the moment.
However, there are a select few bundles of joy that don’t manage to achieve this status and – well – they Fail. For whatever reason (I’m going with genetic) they just don’t seem to understand the “rules” that persist in our everyday lives – don’t jump the queue, don’t drive on the wrong side of the road, don’t commit suicide in the middle of McDonald’s. And within all these environments, there are those fuckers that are not ashamed of coming across as a total waste of oxygen.
Why am I speaking about ‘environments’? It deals with today’s little episode. In fact, it almost involved the loss of another human life – so ‘little’ is hardly the word. Unless we’re referring to IQ.
One particular environment that does not cease to entertain me is the GYM. I go gyming three times a week. It’s dandy, it’s fun and I get to look good. I also get to look at how many sad and unhappy fuckers there are in the world – the fat ones, the ugly ones, the ones without a partner at the age of 70 – if you thought going to the gym was purely about your health… yeah.
Anyway, everyday I drive to the gym. There is a parking lot outside where everyone gets to park their cars. In fact, there are about 5 parking lots – but because it’s designed like crap on a wheel we can refer to it as ONE parking lot. During this particular fucking ‘moment in the environment’ there was a middle-aged white male in front of me driving one of those rich-ass 4th generation Pajeros with no fear whatsoever.
Ahem. Let me correct that: NO FEAR WHATSOEVER.
After breaking to a stop several times in the middle of the parking lot(s) in order to scope for any free parks, he decided to accelerate his white ass and handbreak a corner. Noting this, I took a left to (a) steer clear from any potential accidents and (b) to fucking save my life. However, the roads all meet up outside the entrance of the gym – where there are a total of 7 parking spaces. That includes the 3 disabled ones (yeah I know – at a gym).
What this guy then did was unbelievable. He had obviously noticed that one of the 7 spaces was open. Coming around the corner at top speed, narrowly missing the arm of some mother walking with her daughter, he slams on breaks and swerves to avoid the two teenagers trying to cross the FUCKING ZEBRA CROSSING. Backed up within 3 inches of another car and turned into the parking space. The one 10m from the entrance of the gym.
He then got out, locked the car, proud that he didn’t have to walk – say – that EXTRA FUCKING 50M from an ordinary parking space, and entered the gym. Got on the treadmill. And did a 5km run.
Sometimes in life everyone is faced with contexts that require us to be reasonable, to think, to have a level of social fucking sensitivity. For some, this does not make sense.
And that’s where I step in.
Posted by MichaelR 